Simple joys in life

Its sunday!! Gonna go through all the things that has made me happy this week! 

Friday:

Took a lot of polaroids, but sadly i dont have all of them. Love these polaroids as it was taken with the important people in my life. 

Retard's birthday polaroid ^ 

My favourite bunch Quadruplets ^ although S spoilt the pic hmm. 

Team Retards, missing out Rachel :( 

Finally new polaroids with my dearest Izzy, took like four that day :') 

She kept this one but i liked this better 😂 so funny when i looked closer, we both have an ugly scar on our right knees  HAHAHAHA fated. 

And thank you to Iz who gave me this to cheer me up, i've been keeping it close to me every night. 

After the polaroid, we left school and went to airport for lunch at T3. Had four fingers, but i didnt really eat because i need to save money and diet. Xinxian the retard had to drag around two balloons (a pacifier and mermaid one) and it was so hilarious. One more day to her birthday! Ended the day with tuition and coffee bean. 

Saturday: 

School in the morning and then double tuitions at night :( Went to Kallang Wave mall at night though, and saw the fireworks! Shopped at H&M but sadly, it was damn late alr so could only shop for like twenty minutes. Cant wait to go back because i wanted to for F21 and Uniqlo. Bought like four items from H&M though, so it was pretty satisfying! 

Such a boring week though, apart from a few joys during school time. I need a life. 

Is religion that important?

As the title goes, this post is me ranting about religious issues. Basically, i sometimes have conversations about religion with my mum, and needless to say, she hates it when i bring it up. But its something that we all cant avoid, right? I am Christian, she's a Buddhist, and the ratio of both religion in my family (both dad and mum side) is that Buddhism outweights Christianity. It sucks not having the same religion, but i dont understand why some people cant accept the religion difference?! We all have to learn to accept one another's religion one way or another what. So annoyed about it urgh. 

My mum dislikes Christianity because she thinks that Christians are more strongheaded, and we tend to persuade people to come over to Jesus's side, or we may insult Buddhism (like the statues and burning offerings) I think that's a little stereotyping us. Not all Christians are like that what! I have to say, part of this is my uncle and auntie's fault, because they changed sides from Buddhism to Christianity, they always refuse to come into the temple to pray for my deceased grandpa, who's urn is kept inside the templed. I understand that Christians are not allowed to go in temples, but they really dont have to be so blunt about it. After all, its my grandpa leh?!! So thats why my mum is so against it. Me on the other hand, i always felt like an outsider in the world of Buddhism, and i am just never drawn towards it. Since primary school, i never really bowed to Buddha every morning assembly, and i would just think about reading bibles and going to church. I think i am just born with the Holy Spirit. 

Speaking of religion clash, recently, there are so many whites going against muslims because of their religion?! Hello, believing in Islam isnt a crime, and why cant the whites just be calm about it? Is it necessary to go around shooting the muslims just because of their religion and skin colour?! Outrageous. I dont know why cant people just live in peace, and just love one another. It is ridiculous to fall apart just because of religion differences. Get a clue. 

For once, i already accepted Christ, and it has been about 2 years since i officially did, God has been looking out for me and i am thankful that he fills my soul with  so much hope and peace. It just calms me down, and i can think properly. I have sinned as well, and for that, i hope that Lord can forgive me and guide me through my next phase. My mum still doesnt not know about it though, and i dont know how to bring it up to her without quarrelling with her about religion differences. Sigh pie. 

I hope that when i grow up and i can change my mum's mind about religions and maybe she wont be so hard and stubborn about it. Whew. 

Bible verse of the day; "Luke 6:37" 

Thats all for today's update! 

Week 3

Its sunday!! Just a quick update of the week. Basically, i had school and all the usual on the weekdays, and saturday, had to drag my tired body out of bed to go for school (IN THE MORNING WTF) and then had my weekly dose of tuitions later in the afternoon. Since tuition was at i12, i was walking around the mall and came across the Apple store. So my dad went in and asked me which laptop i wanted, because i have been recently hinting (very obviously) that i wanted a lappy for christmas. I know i already have my own personal iMac desktop, but i think having a lappy is cool let. Like i can laze around on my bed and watch videos, i can bring it out to Starbucks whenever i'm bored to watch movies and drink coffee etc. Its quite handy right? I wanted the MacBook Air, but then that lappy no slot at the side to insert DVDs leh, so means i can only download movies and dramas perhaps? But i don't like let, so i decided on the usual MacBook Pro. But then again, i doubt that anyone would get me that for christmas anyway HAHAHA.

Oh right, getting back on my updates, saturday evening was spent at granny's house, and we had Macdonalds for dinner. Ok i swear, i need to stop fast food. NEED. I saw Jesicca Tham's Dayre (@tippytapp) about how she was going on a juice cleanse routine, and i thought it was pretty good. Basically every meal you just drink juice. You can cleanse your intestines, lose weight, and poop. Why not? I shall try that out!

Then today, was just really really boring! It has never been so sian before. I think i was texting Iz after tuition and both of us just went into that mood where we didn't wanna talk to each other and just sit there and do nothing. But then she was like "I can't take it! Lets find an interesting topic to talk about!!!" So we started to be hyped up, and soon enough the whole convo turned retarded and well, it was back to the normal us which i so loved. I really hope we can remain buddies for a really really long time!

Okay that's about how my week was, till more exciting things!

Late night thoughts

Pre-sleep thoughts have came back to haunt me once again. For a while, i was so prepccupied with homework that i dont really think about myself, but now that i dont have much homework to do, i suddenly feel as though i have alot of faults within myself. Why? I dont really know. It could be my character, or simply just the environment and people around me who influenced me into thinking like that. 

I used to think negatively about myself, and i normally feel emotional at night. Although i advice people not to think negatively, i am the one ending up with all the negativity. Its so hard to take my own advice. :-( 

I keep feeling that i am not good enough, and i always let myself and the people around me down. "What a disappointment", they say. I agree fully. I am indeed rather disappointing, and i sometimes feel that i have failed in life? 

But i will try. I will try to pick myself up and move one. I will hope for the best in everything, and i will wish for it all to be better. I have to grow up one day, and i shall start now. Yes, kick away all the negativity! 

I am so excited for school tomorrow. Yay. Now this is a positive start, no?  

Horrid Monday?

First day of the week! Got to say it was pretty alright, except for a few setbacks.

I cannot believe i wasn't there for my best friend when she needed me just now. Can i even still call her my best friend? I feel so horrid, and i probably have never been this kind of friend before. Whoaaa. Some kind of friend. Although my dear friend doesn't show it, i can definitely feel that she was disappointed, although she told me to drop the topic. URGH HOW COULD I NOT BE THERE WHEN SHE NEEDED ME MOST? WHAT'S WORSE, WAS THAT SHE THOUGH OF ME FIRST THING WHEN SHE NEEDED HELP. I WAS NOT FUCKING THERE. HOW COULD I DO THIS?! I am not ranting, but really, i don't deserve this kind of good friends at all. I am a disaster and a horrid friend. And worse-est, i feel so stupid asking her over and over again if everything was okay, because i can tell it is clearly not. But i went to ask? What logic. To make matters worst, i still accidentally dragged my worries and issues in, as if the situation wasn't bad already. At 10:38 pm, after the whole thing, she said that she wanted to be there for me when i wake up and when i sleep, at the cost of her sleeping time. How can i find such a friend elsewhere?! I feel so sad you know, when she said those to me. Its like she is a much much better person than i am, and i can never be such a good friend to her. Because of family constraints and studies, i don't have the time to talk to her 24/7, but after olevels, i am going to treat her much better, and my other friends as well too. Cherish them while i can.

To chill for a moment, may i just say how happy i am for Germany because they won the 2014 World Cup!! Should have betted money on it. Damn.

I recently saw Mong Chin's blog (mongabong.blogspot), and i really like her blog skin and everything! Then also Chloe Choo's blog (chloeandchoo.com) is also damn special and chio! Really want to learn how to design my own blog template. All the instructions on google is just so confusing and i am too much of an IT idiot to know how to work it out. Sigh pie. Hopefully after olevels i can go and explore more on how to create a blog skin! Looking forward!

Such a paradoxical thing. Bipolar too. Its like from emo to excitement wtf. Haish, this is Monday only. I don't know how to go on for the next few days.

"Phillipians 4:13

I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."

When i grow up, I want to be a ____?

Its sunday! Last day of the week and tomorrow, it'll be morning blues all over again. Sigh. So i had tuition with ms lau and oh my gosh, i missed that woman so much. She is like my favourite tutor and seriously i have so much fun listening to her "life stories". Her life is seriously damn interesting! I also feel that i have learnt many things from her (perserverance, living life etc) She is such and inspiration to me. She always taught me how to live my life well, and it has really impacted me alot. Just today, we were talking about her new job as a marketing consultant (or is it business consultant??) Whatever, she's working in her boyfriend's company and her main task is to understand her clients' businesses and access methods to help them improve their business. Apparently, it's what she enjoys doing and she actually left the teaching industry and jumped back into the world of business again. She talked about her clients, and she even explained to me a little about what business is all about. That cleared up my doubts about business and i seriously think that business is an interesting subject, but it also requires alot of know-how and patience when dealing with different people. I always thought that business was just about being an entrepreneur. Nope, i was way off!

So ms lau went on and on about her job, and it put me in a different perspective. She taught me that i should always not be contented with just what im doing and always strive to learn more things. Like her, i can maybe start off as a teacher, then maybe change job scope to be a zoo keeper or something, then maybe change jobs again and be a banker? Okay that was bad examples, but something like that. It just means that one's learning should never be limited to a certain topic. I should always try out different things, and i think it really builds on the experiences. This is really inspiring to me lah, because i always think of doing one thing, and never really thought about trying out different things. I probably should though, i guess it helps me grow and i can acquire more knowledge. This just gives me more to think about what i want to do when i'm older, which i dont really know. Ahhh i sort of cant wait to grow up! 

On a less serious note, i had a great time yesterday! Went to watch sound of music at marina bay sands! The singers were good, but the play was a little bit different from the original one, which is kind of disappointing :( They changed the songs' sequence and it sort of looks awkward. Not to mention, Captain von Trapp was so ugly! The original Captain was so handsome oh my god. 

My outfit last night! Wore my contact lens too. 

Shirt - Cuffed sleeves and crop top from Bugis Street 

Skirt - Maya silky skirt from Cotton On 

Shoes - White lacy platform shoes from H&M 

Socks - HUF inspired weed socks from carousell 

I love HUF socks so much! Its just plain and simple. I think i plan to buy another pair though! Mad love for high socks. Going to sleep early tonight and catch the match Germany VS Argentina tomorrow morning at 4am. Hope i can wake up though! 

Last but not least, yesterday Iz and i were so hyped up at about 12am and we just went siao. So glad to have her in my life! 

This is true love <3 I was complaining about how hungry i was at 12:58am wtf, and she wanted to come down and give me food (AWWW) But cannot, eat too late really will get fat. This is what friends are for :') totally made my night yesterday. 

Okay lah, thats all for today!

Lazy lazy friday

Its friday! Finally end of the week whew. 

Super lucky day today. Never do geog, ms soo didnt really scold. Never do amath, mr lim never check. Didnt wanna go for hcl class, mdm lim cancelled class. OMG LA 😍

Left school early with S and we went for Ramly at the geylang serai bazarre! Wanted to find the one with super nice cheese, but we couldnt find them anymore (sigh) bought Koi and brought it into gongcha and we just made ourselves comfortable and ate there. 

Seriously good and yearly cravings satisfied! 

Also, i changed back to iphone yesterday because erm, i was boliao. Looking forward to tmr because we're watching Sound Of Music musical at marina bay sands!!! 

That's all for today! 

Tuesday blues

Having the normal blues at the start of the week. School was short today, but it was the after school remedials that made me annoyed. I can't wait to be a 21 y/o, then i can like go out to work. I know many say its a lot harder out there, but wth, i seriously hate some subjects that I'm studying right now. Who knows, maybe i suit the working life leh. Schooling is so competitive nowadays with the scholars and foreigners, not that i despise them, but it puts so much stress on local students. Even the primary school kids all like so poor thing, primary one also learning all those super chim words. Hiong leh! I am sure some may agree with me; to faster grow older and get out of the singapore education system.

However, an alternative could be that i go overseas to study/work? I seriously don't mind it, and in fact, I'm more than willing. But then there comes the problem of lack of funds. I swear, if i was smarter and more hardworking, i would be on a scholarship now. But no lah, I'm lazy like anything. Yeah lor, welcome to the singapore education. I really want to go overseas and study too though, its so much fun and exciting to be somewhere unfamiliar. Such touristy feels and best part is i can get out of the torturous Sg education system. DOUBLE YEAH!!! But all these is just NATO (no action talk only), which is something i seem to be extremely good yet. Olevels is round the corner in about 100 days time, but i don't have any urgency at all. 本小姐不要命了. I need to buck up if i wanna get into TP accounting or even NYJC, which i am aiming for uh. Wherever i end up, i just hope that i can do well :')

Coming back to the reason i wrote this entry, its basically about my friendship issues i have with my friends. I can see the tension between my friends, and i don't want to come to the point where i have to make a decision and choose between my friends :/ I am not going to elaborate on this, but I'm just doing a mini rant about it.

Anyways, i plan to vlog after olevels and upload onto my channel! Like maybe when I'm out playing or even overseas touring. I think vlogging is better than just pictures, because can capture the moment in a moving picture, and like think back in the future about all the fun and shit. Just a random idea though. If i really plan to vlog, i would need a camera first. HAHAHA CHRISTMAS PREZZIE!!! Okay fingers crossed for my "bright" idea. Thats all for today!

Mass CIP 2014

Went for mass cip today! Really glad that szb came along and we had so much fun ☺ went around the town area although we were suppose to raise funds in Sengkang LOL. This year was the least i raised, wtf i raised only $7.80 😂 I guess when im sec four i cant be bothered about my CIP points already, sooo 'meh', whatever.

Went to try llaollao froyo for the first time, and i think the yoghurt was sour and good, but the sauce sort of spoiled the taste because it was way to sweet for my liking. Contented and satisfied my froyo craving though!

Felt really groggy at 9pm wtf. LACK OF SLEEP LUH.

That's all for today!

Its Friday

Surivived the week of shitty things. Spent a good two hours catching up with S and we realised there was so many things that we never knew about one another, be it individually or about other people. It felt so good to have a good friend next to me to share all these things, and for once i was very blessed. I must say that although our character isnt really the same, we have alot of things in common. Thank God for having her in my life and my soon-to-be neighbour in the future 😉

Then coming to another part. I was reading my friends' old posts on twitter, and then i realised how much things were tweeted indirectly about me, and i never really saw the tweets till today. Yes, they were not good things. Then i reflected abit, and realised that i really wasnt a very good friend. Some of the things i say or do impact the people around me and i am just not concious enough to find out. So, i found out today. Not too late is it? Anyway, i am thankful for all those who put up with my shit all these while, and i hope i can be a better person.

Sometimes i read a tweet on twitter, and i cant help but think "shit is this referring to me?" I cant help it man. Recently i saw a tweet which was talking about how bo chap i am, how i seem to dont give a fuck about the person, and also how i seem to ignore the person. I really dont get it! I obviously do those things because the person is doing the same to me. Thats the number one thing about me, how i talk to you depends on how you talk to me. I cant help it, and frankly i think that not alot of people feel the same as me. I told S and she was like shocked that i feel this way 😂 What to do? I am like that. A leopard cannot change it's spots. So while i saw the tweet, i was rather positively it was referring to me. Help. I feel so horrible. Although it was an old tweet, i still feel extremely bad because i never wanted to hurt anyone. And i am hurt that people think of me that way. Goshhh. This is bad. 😂

Ok well, thats the update for today!

"The world is not a wish granting factory"

Talking about wishes, i sure have alot of them. But i cant have possibly everything.

I want you here with me.
I want everyone to be happy.
I want to find happiness.
I want to feel loved.
I want to love.
I want to share the same roof as you.
I want to eat without getting fat.
I want to stop thinking about you.
I want to wrap my arms around you and hold you close.
I want you in my dreams.
I just want you next to me.

There are so many things that i want, but let's not talk about the world. Not even you can grant me all of my wishes. Sometimes, i wish you could read me well enough to know that i really love you and care so much about you. The way you move, the way your laughter is music to my ears, the way your eyes light up when you have a thought, the way you look me in the eye when you are saying serious shit, the way your presence around me just makes me happy and calm. Even though there may be misunderstandings, i hope that you will stay by me and we'll watch each other grow, watch each other make mistakes in our lives, and watch each other be contented. Sometimes i see that you are upset, but i can never do anything about it. It really kills me so much, for i care for you. I do hope that you realise how much you mean to me.

-This is dedicated to the one person who is there for me no matter how bad things are, even if the person isn't there physically.

To be happy? Or not to be?

Third day of semester two and what can i say? I'm already falling behind.

Read my previous blog updates and i realise that my mood is erm, up and down. Bipolar sibo? I swear one blog is emo, another is happy wtf. Anyway, i dont know what i am blogging about today but i just saw a few things on twitter and just have some personal thoughts bah.

So timothy tiah just updated his blog on how to be happy, and i think people need to read it and learn, that includes me. I honestly think that being happy is really not an easy task, and there is so many things to worry about. Especially in singapore, where u have to worry so much about studies, future and there is just so fucking much presure. Sometimes, i really buay tahan and wah, i really dont want to think about being happy and all those crap because whats the point actually? In the end some stuff will confirm happen and then unhappy again lo. -.- So much effort to be happy and even if it was true happiness, it would probably last for awhile? And if i have a glum face everyday, i hate it when people ask me what happen and those shit, should anyone get what i mean. So i keep telling myself and the people around me to be happy, and i always say "if u want to be happy, u will and u can be happy." WTF. This is not going to happen. Yes i can say that, but i think its probably only going to happen for like awhile? And then, no more that happy feel already. Wtf i sound so emotional. Ok lah on a lighter note, i am trying to be more joyful nowadays, no matter how drained i am. 😂😂😂

I think school is seriously such a fucking spoiler -.- During the holidays i actually have stuffs to say to szb during the day, but now? I feel that sometimes she dont even seem to want to talk to me at all. Okay maybe i am over sensitive? (Probably am) But i cant help it mah, talking to each other is like a habit alr, and suddenly when she isnt there, i feel so weird, like either i feel bad or emtpy and lonely. Depressing stuffs 😂 I swear i run a bipolar blog.

I shall not go on furthur into emotional issues! Today was such a tiring day, and so so so much motherfucking homework to do 😤 I am in need of a middle finger emoji now. I sometimes feel like throwing my phone away, and then just not bother replying anyone. So mean, but well thats just for me. 😂

Ok thats all my ranting for today!