Its Friday

Surivived the week of shitty things. Spent a good two hours catching up with S and we realised there was so many things that we never knew about one another, be it individually or about other people. It felt so good to have a good friend next to me to share all these things, and for once i was very blessed. I must say that although our character isnt really the same, we have alot of things in common. Thank God for having her in my life and my soon-to-be neighbour in the future 😉

Then coming to another part. I was reading my friends' old posts on twitter, and then i realised how much things were tweeted indirectly about me, and i never really saw the tweets till today. Yes, they were not good things. Then i reflected abit, and realised that i really wasnt a very good friend. Some of the things i say or do impact the people around me and i am just not concious enough to find out. So, i found out today. Not too late is it? Anyway, i am thankful for all those who put up with my shit all these while, and i hope i can be a better person.

Sometimes i read a tweet on twitter, and i cant help but think "shit is this referring to me?" I cant help it man. Recently i saw a tweet which was talking about how bo chap i am, how i seem to dont give a fuck about the person, and also how i seem to ignore the person. I really dont get it! I obviously do those things because the person is doing the same to me. Thats the number one thing about me, how i talk to you depends on how you talk to me. I cant help it, and frankly i think that not alot of people feel the same as me. I told S and she was like shocked that i feel this way 😂 What to do? I am like that. A leopard cannot change it's spots. So while i saw the tweet, i was rather positively it was referring to me. Help. I feel so horrible. Although it was an old tweet, i still feel extremely bad because i never wanted to hurt anyone. And i am hurt that people think of me that way. Goshhh. This is bad. 😂

Ok well, thats the update for today!

"The world is not a wish granting factory"

Talking about wishes, i sure have alot of them. But i cant have possibly everything.

I want you here with me.
I want everyone to be happy.
I want to find happiness.
I want to feel loved.
I want to love.
I want to share the same roof as you.
I want to eat without getting fat.
I want to stop thinking about you.
I want to wrap my arms around you and hold you close.
I want you in my dreams.
I just want you next to me.

There are so many things that i want, but let's not talk about the world. Not even you can grant me all of my wishes. Sometimes, i wish you could read me well enough to know that i really love you and care so much about you. The way you move, the way your laughter is music to my ears, the way your eyes light up when you have a thought, the way you look me in the eye when you are saying serious shit, the way your presence around me just makes me happy and calm. Even though there may be misunderstandings, i hope that you will stay by me and we'll watch each other grow, watch each other make mistakes in our lives, and watch each other be contented. Sometimes i see that you are upset, but i can never do anything about it. It really kills me so much, for i care for you. I do hope that you realise how much you mean to me.

-This is dedicated to the one person who is there for me no matter how bad things are, even if the person isn't there physically.

To be happy? Or not to be?

Third day of semester two and what can i say? I'm already falling behind.

Read my previous blog updates and i realise that my mood is erm, up and down. Bipolar sibo? I swear one blog is emo, another is happy wtf. Anyway, i dont know what i am blogging about today but i just saw a few things on twitter and just have some personal thoughts bah.

So timothy tiah just updated his blog on how to be happy, and i think people need to read it and learn, that includes me. I honestly think that being happy is really not an easy task, and there is so many things to worry about. Especially in singapore, where u have to worry so much about studies, future and there is just so fucking much presure. Sometimes, i really buay tahan and wah, i really dont want to think about being happy and all those crap because whats the point actually? In the end some stuff will confirm happen and then unhappy again lo. -.- So much effort to be happy and even if it was true happiness, it would probably last for awhile? And if i have a glum face everyday, i hate it when people ask me what happen and those shit, should anyone get what i mean. So i keep telling myself and the people around me to be happy, and i always say "if u want to be happy, u will and u can be happy." WTF. This is not going to happen. Yes i can say that, but i think its probably only going to happen for like awhile? And then, no more that happy feel already. Wtf i sound so emotional. Ok lah on a lighter note, i am trying to be more joyful nowadays, no matter how drained i am. 😂😂😂

I think school is seriously such a fucking spoiler -.- During the holidays i actually have stuffs to say to szb during the day, but now? I feel that sometimes she dont even seem to want to talk to me at all. Okay maybe i am over sensitive? (Probably am) But i cant help it mah, talking to each other is like a habit alr, and suddenly when she isnt there, i feel so weird, like either i feel bad or emtpy and lonely. Depressing stuffs 😂 I swear i run a bipolar blog.

I shall not go on furthur into emotional issues! Today was such a tiring day, and so so so much motherfucking homework to do 😤 I am in need of a middle finger emoji now. I sometimes feel like throwing my phone away, and then just not bother replying anyone. So mean, but well thats just for me. 😂

Ok thats all my ranting for today!